At the minute I am transferring some of my previous TV work into the digital domain so I can up load it on to You Tube, in the hope that it might get me back into the media. While most of what I did was really very good, even if I say so myself, there are some items that made me squirm as I watched them. Back in the early 2000's I was regularly asked to come in to the BBC's News 24 studio to review the newspapers. I thought I was there to be a bit out spoken and unlike the usual paper reviewers, who were normally editors and columnists from those very papers and I remember my appearances as being quiet rational fun comment on the news of the time.
Oh boy, was I wrong. As I watched 5 minute clip after 5 minute clip, I found myself wanting to go back in time and slap myself. OK, there was the standard Mik Scarlet left wing rantiness which any of my regular readers know and love (?), but I also had a few subjects that seemed to throw me into a crazy irrational state. One of my favourite targets was the farming industry. At this time Foot and Mouth gripped the UK farming industry, and the hunting ban was being discussed. Yes, I have strong beliefs on methods used in modern farming and equally strong feelings on hunting (and the current cull of badgers being considered at the minute) but I seemed unable to even see the opposing view.
As I realized just how many reviews I had done, and how often I seemed to go off on a crazy rant on various personal hot topics, I felt feelings of shame and embarrassment creep over me. Just as I was about to rush towards the off switch of my coping machine to prevent me anyone from ever seeing me make a fool of myself, it hit me. This was a really bad time for me. I had found it necessary to stop working as a presenter, due to ill health, and this was pretty much the only work I was doing at that point. I know myself well enough to see that this angry 30 something in front of me had been made that way as he was in the grip of a serious and life threatening problem with his spine. Yeah most other people would have tried to be measured and thinking of the future, but I was really unsure I'd have one and so felt this was my chance to comment on things I felt were as unfair as my illness. I have always found that getting angry when I'm ill gets me through. It might not make me fun to work with, or the nicest guy, but the energy it creates gives me the strength to get through.
The weird thing is this is the first time I have been able to see myself during one of these phases, and it has really freaked me out. I look back on that time and know how bad it was and I now feel I owe a debt of gratitude to anyone who stuck with me. Especially my wife. I also would like to say sorry to anyone who found me difficult going during this time. I know I alienated some of my friends and people I worked with, and I also know that my attitude during this period did effect my career. To anyone who worked with me between 1999 and 2005, I am sorry if I was an arse. I hope you understand... and might even forgive me?
As well as the realization of why I was so confrontational, I found myself confronted with the truth that your state of mind can really effect your politics and beliefs. The stress and worry of being so ill had robbed me of my ability to show any empathy, and I wonder if the entire country is not going through something similar at the minute? The dire financial situation, and personal worries regarding money and jobs is causing society to become like I was during my newspaper reviews. Fixed in an extreme position and unable to see how that position might effect other people.
So I ask everyone who reads this to remember this phase will pass. I am now back to full health, and feel much more positive. The world will come out of this period of financial chaos. When it does, and it looks back on all the things it did and said during the fear and worry of it's past, I hope it hasn't done anything that can't be undone. I'm lucky. Most of the stuff I have appeared in on TV exists almost no where except in my box of VHS tapes, and now on my PC. I doubt I'll put the more extreme ranting online for others to see, and I will definitely learn from my mistakes. As a society we might not be so fortunate. Major changes to our society made while we are frantically scrambling around for a solution for our current hassles might really damage the steps forward we have made, and may never be able to be undone. I won't say what changes, but I do hope we really examine what legacy each new decision and direction we take will leave behind. If we do, we will not have the awful feeling of looking back to wish we could undo something that caused great suffering during a difficult period.
On a lighter note, the one great thing about looking back at footage of a younger me is that I haven't aged anywhere near as much as I thought I had. In fact I even look better now than I did in some clips. So while I hope I may be wiser, I don't look that much older. Now that has made me smile... a huge wide cheesy smile. Tee hee.
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
Friday, 1 July 2011
We come a short way baby!
After a crazy few weeks rehearsing for and performing in the Graeae Theatre Company's production of Rhinestone Rollers - Wheels On Broadway I thought I deserved a day off. As I sat flicking through the channels on my Sky+ I stumbled upon an episode of a favourite show from my youth, The Fall Guy. Starring my all time childhood hero, Lee Majors, who played the Six Million Dollar Man (the fantasy of any kid who had a knackered leg in the 70's - bionics, something I really thought we'd have by the 21st century) before becoming the stunt man come bounty hunter Colt Seavers, this episode was called "Wheels". The story revolved around an old friend of Colt's who was now in a wheelchair... and it was played by real wheelchair user... IN 1983!!!!
I watched the episode, and was amazed at just how well the subject of disability was covered. Loads of jokes about public sympathy, a real action cripple in the guise of Colt's old pal, a super fast electric wheelchair with a side-car and an entire cast of real disabled people. Not one single non-disabled actor playing disabled anywhere. Again, I must point out this is 1983! The disabled main character even gets married at the end, and is planning kids. IN 1983!!!!!
Even today, here in the UK us disabled acting types still have to argue as to why only we should be playing disabled parts, and as for a story line that is as positive as this one... well we can still dream. How many young disabled people would ever believe that so long ago prime time shows like The Fall Guy were being made that did disability so well? Today's TV producers and writers should take a hard look at their output and at how old shows like this covered disability and hang their heads in shame. How far have we come in nearly 30 years?
Another subject that has been playing on my mind recently is education. On Wednesday I took part in a march to Downing Street over the education bill. With the government stating that they want to "overturn the bias towards inclusive education" and promote special schools, I really felt it was time to sit down and be counted. I was very lucky to attend mainstream schools through out my school career, and I cannot believe that exactly 30 years since I left school we live in a country that is trying to move away from inclusivity. Not only did attending a "normal" school help me, it helped my non-disabled friends. I got a pile of exams and learnt that my AB mates were just like me, and all my physically perfect mates learnt to see disabled people as just like them. I am proud to know that after taking me all of my schools became fully inclusive and still are today. I plan to start working with my old high school, Putteridge High in Luton, in the future around issues of inclusion and awareness and to mentor some of their current students.
But it really is shocking to me that most people still think that allowing disabled kids to be schooled in the same way as non-disabled kids is not an obvious thing to work towards. Even many disabled people in the public eye are unconvinced. I won't name names, but surely it is a right of all children to be schooled to the best of their ability? How can we disabled people ever expect to be accepted as part of society if we are kept apart from the rest of society from such an early age?
Of course there can be issues to confront for schools, but nothing is insurmountable. Instead of using these issues to bar entrance to a mainstream schooling, they should be seen as mechanisms for expanding the experiences of all the other pupils. What about a school project to explore access solutions for a pupil that is entering the school next term, or a buddy system for pupils that might need extra help? This kind of thing opens up the educational and social experiences of all the pupils of a school and makes the disabled pupil feel an accepted member of school population.
So yet again I find myself asking, just how far have we come? I would never have thought that at the age of nearly 46 I would still be fighting for correct portrayal of disabled people in the media and for inclusive education. I absolutely would never have thought I'd be fighting against plans to take our education system back to a time before I went to school. All I know is that I am glad I am not a disabled child today. To find yourself thinking like that makes me very angry, and ashamed. To think that if we are not careful all the gains disabled people have made in my adult life will be thrown away, all in the name of cutting deficits.
Right I'm going to stop myself there. I could go on to blame the Tories and go all Red Wedge on you all, but I thought I'd give you all a break from my socialist tirades. Whatever your politics, I am sure you will agree that we all must work hard to ensure that no more ground is lost.
Right I'm gong back to the TV. Sounds like Batman is on. Kerpow!
I watched the episode, and was amazed at just how well the subject of disability was covered. Loads of jokes about public sympathy, a real action cripple in the guise of Colt's old pal, a super fast electric wheelchair with a side-car and an entire cast of real disabled people. Not one single non-disabled actor playing disabled anywhere. Again, I must point out this is 1983! The disabled main character even gets married at the end, and is planning kids. IN 1983!!!!!
Even today, here in the UK us disabled acting types still have to argue as to why only we should be playing disabled parts, and as for a story line that is as positive as this one... well we can still dream. How many young disabled people would ever believe that so long ago prime time shows like The Fall Guy were being made that did disability so well? Today's TV producers and writers should take a hard look at their output and at how old shows like this covered disability and hang their heads in shame. How far have we come in nearly 30 years?
Another subject that has been playing on my mind recently is education. On Wednesday I took part in a march to Downing Street over the education bill. With the government stating that they want to "overturn the bias towards inclusive education" and promote special schools, I really felt it was time to sit down and be counted. I was very lucky to attend mainstream schools through out my school career, and I cannot believe that exactly 30 years since I left school we live in a country that is trying to move away from inclusivity. Not only did attending a "normal" school help me, it helped my non-disabled friends. I got a pile of exams and learnt that my AB mates were just like me, and all my physically perfect mates learnt to see disabled people as just like them. I am proud to know that after taking me all of my schools became fully inclusive and still are today. I plan to start working with my old high school, Putteridge High in Luton, in the future around issues of inclusion and awareness and to mentor some of their current students.
But it really is shocking to me that most people still think that allowing disabled kids to be schooled in the same way as non-disabled kids is not an obvious thing to work towards. Even many disabled people in the public eye are unconvinced. I won't name names, but surely it is a right of all children to be schooled to the best of their ability? How can we disabled people ever expect to be accepted as part of society if we are kept apart from the rest of society from such an early age?
Of course there can be issues to confront for schools, but nothing is insurmountable. Instead of using these issues to bar entrance to a mainstream schooling, they should be seen as mechanisms for expanding the experiences of all the other pupils. What about a school project to explore access solutions for a pupil that is entering the school next term, or a buddy system for pupils that might need extra help? This kind of thing opens up the educational and social experiences of all the pupils of a school and makes the disabled pupil feel an accepted member of school population.
So yet again I find myself asking, just how far have we come? I would never have thought that at the age of nearly 46 I would still be fighting for correct portrayal of disabled people in the media and for inclusive education. I absolutely would never have thought I'd be fighting against plans to take our education system back to a time before I went to school. All I know is that I am glad I am not a disabled child today. To find yourself thinking like that makes me very angry, and ashamed. To think that if we are not careful all the gains disabled people have made in my adult life will be thrown away, all in the name of cutting deficits.
Right I'm going to stop myself there. I could go on to blame the Tories and go all Red Wedge on you all, but I thought I'd give you all a break from my socialist tirades. Whatever your politics, I am sure you will agree that we all must work hard to ensure that no more ground is lost.
Right I'm gong back to the TV. Sounds like Batman is on. Kerpow!
Monday, 13 June 2011
Hate Crime - Cripples Fight Back
So on the same day that it was announced that hate crimes against disabled people has risen from 40 in 2005 to 130 this year, Sir Terry Pratchett fronts his program "Choosing to Die". Now I think you all know what I think about the assisted suicide debate, but I do wonder why Sir Terry is so obsessed with promoting his belief on the subject. Surely this whole problem is easily solved? Just before he gets to a point where his standard of life is less than he would wish it to be, he could just kill himself? Isn't that the answer to everyone in this situation? If you let yourself live just a little too long, and you can no longer take your own life... then tough.
You see whether you like it or not, promoting this death as a solution to illness and disability at a time when the government is painting all disabled people as scrounging drains on our ailing economy causes the attitudes that has led to this increase in disabled people facing hate crimes. I know how awful it is when you find yourself being targeted because you are disabled. Back in the early 2000's I lived in Shepherds Bush, just a stones thrown from the BBC. A group of "Youths" stated using the car park of the block of flats I lived in as a place to hang out. Gradually they began abusing my wife and I but when we stood up to them the whole situation escalated. It started with a physical attack on my wife, and when I came to her aid I was also beaten to the ground. The police didn't even bother to come. Then we were threatened with a knife, and my wife fended them off with a broom stick. The police arrived but we told that we would be arrested as the broom is an offensive weapon... the knife had disappeared magically. Finally a gang of three of the youths attacked my wife and beat her very badly. They turned up wearing masks and it was obviously a planned attack. We could not describe them to the police, so they could not help us. In the end we had to move, as after this we were told that we were "dead" and that we would wake up one night with petrol being poured through our front door. Nice.
Now this was before the hype around benefit cheating incapacity claimants and death before disability. I know from my day to day life that people's attitudes have changed for the worse. I mean how many of you have had your blue badge stolen? I've had three nicked so far. There is even a website to tell people how to get hold of a dodgy blue badge. Why? Because people no longer see things like incapacity benefit and the blue badge as something that is awarded to people who need and deserve them, and that allocation is fair a just. Now most of the public see awards like these as unfair. Why should these cripples get something I don't?
So what is the answer? I have no idea. I didn't vote for this bunch of idiots, and I never will. I also never under estimate the general public, so if they are told to believe something I know they will. Maybe the answer is to strick back and for some hate crime carried out by cripples. Could the answer be for a gang of wheelchair users to go out and beat up some ramblers, or a gang of deafies go postal on an orchestra, or a crack squad of visually impaired hooligans could jump some photographers? Hell's Cripples... or even disabled terrorist? Disabled Liberation Army anyone? (Get it... DLA... God I'm so witty)
Comedy aside, maybe the answer is for us disabled people to be more proactive. The one thing that makes the fact that my wife and I had our lives ruined by hate crime was how badly I beat up one of the little shits. OK, it didn't solve anything and meant they only ever harassed us in large groups but the memory of the little git's face coming apart as I rammed it into a brick wall still makes me smile. One thing for sure, he never tried his luck again. So let's all take martial arts lessons and next time we find ourselves being targeted by these kind of scum, we kick their bigoted arses and we kick them hard.
OK, this is a serious problem, and my flippant blog doesn't really help but you either laugh or you cry. If we let them see weakness this kind of bully we always feel the need to pick on us. So come on cripples haters, you just try picking on me, and you'll find yourself joining us pretty damn quickly!!!
You see whether you like it or not, promoting this death as a solution to illness and disability at a time when the government is painting all disabled people as scrounging drains on our ailing economy causes the attitudes that has led to this increase in disabled people facing hate crimes. I know how awful it is when you find yourself being targeted because you are disabled. Back in the early 2000's I lived in Shepherds Bush, just a stones thrown from the BBC. A group of "Youths" stated using the car park of the block of flats I lived in as a place to hang out. Gradually they began abusing my wife and I but when we stood up to them the whole situation escalated. It started with a physical attack on my wife, and when I came to her aid I was also beaten to the ground. The police didn't even bother to come. Then we were threatened with a knife, and my wife fended them off with a broom stick. The police arrived but we told that we would be arrested as the broom is an offensive weapon... the knife had disappeared magically. Finally a gang of three of the youths attacked my wife and beat her very badly. They turned up wearing masks and it was obviously a planned attack. We could not describe them to the police, so they could not help us. In the end we had to move, as after this we were told that we were "dead" and that we would wake up one night with petrol being poured through our front door. Nice.
Now this was before the hype around benefit cheating incapacity claimants and death before disability. I know from my day to day life that people's attitudes have changed for the worse. I mean how many of you have had your blue badge stolen? I've had three nicked so far. There is even a website to tell people how to get hold of a dodgy blue badge. Why? Because people no longer see things like incapacity benefit and the blue badge as something that is awarded to people who need and deserve them, and that allocation is fair a just. Now most of the public see awards like these as unfair. Why should these cripples get something I don't?
So what is the answer? I have no idea. I didn't vote for this bunch of idiots, and I never will. I also never under estimate the general public, so if they are told to believe something I know they will. Maybe the answer is to strick back and for some hate crime carried out by cripples. Could the answer be for a gang of wheelchair users to go out and beat up some ramblers, or a gang of deafies go postal on an orchestra, or a crack squad of visually impaired hooligans could jump some photographers? Hell's Cripples... or even disabled terrorist? Disabled Liberation Army anyone? (Get it... DLA... God I'm so witty)
Comedy aside, maybe the answer is for us disabled people to be more proactive. The one thing that makes the fact that my wife and I had our lives ruined by hate crime was how badly I beat up one of the little shits. OK, it didn't solve anything and meant they only ever harassed us in large groups but the memory of the little git's face coming apart as I rammed it into a brick wall still makes me smile. One thing for sure, he never tried his luck again. So let's all take martial arts lessons and next time we find ourselves being targeted by these kind of scum, we kick their bigoted arses and we kick them hard.
OK, this is a serious problem, and my flippant blog doesn't really help but you either laugh or you cry. If we let them see weakness this kind of bully we always feel the need to pick on us. So come on cripples haters, you just try picking on me, and you'll find yourself joining us pretty damn quickly!!!
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Home Town Pride
Recently I went down to Parliment as part of the delgation that handed in my home town of Luton's application to be made a city as part of the Queen's jubliee. I felt it was time to give something back to a place that I have come to understand played a massive part in making me the person I am today.
Luton Town Centre - 1965 - the year I was born.
Like most people who grew up in a provincial town, I always felt that I was missing out on something while I lived in Luton. The draw of the big city always tugged at me, and as soon as I could I moved down to London. Even before I lived here I would spend a huge sum of money on petrol to cover driving down to the big smoke to go gigging, clubbing and shopping. And I will admit I had a really great time in London, but as I get older I also see what a great place Luton is and was.
The first thing that Luton gave to me was an expectation of being treated equally. Even though I have been disabled since birth, I never really found that I was actively discriminated against all the time I lived there. I attended a mainstream school throuhgout my education. It is only recently, after joining ALLFIE in their battle for inclusive education that I realise how rare it is for disabled children to be given the chance to go to a "normal" school. Especially back in the early 70's! Yet in Luton I was given the chance to do so, not only in my early school career, but throught from the age of 5 to 18. It was only when I started looking to go to university that I found my way closed. Some schools needed no adapatations, some made the changes I needed easily. My high school, Putteridge High, undertook a program of building that left it with a fully accessible school building. So not only did I go there, but so did a few other disabled kids. Not many schools, can claim that they were fully inclusive in the late 70's. Very few can claim that even today.
But not only were the buildings accessible, but so was the attitude towards disabled pupils. I was expected to do everything my able bodied class mates did. I was also given the same expectations. I saw my future as being just like everyone elses. My disability would not be a barrier to my dreams in any way. Yes I couldn't go to uni, but that wasn't anyone at my schools fault. It was just that they were ahead of the rest of the educational establishment in how they facilitated disabled students. I didn't mind though. Another thing that Luton gave me was an expectation that talent would be enough to get you on.
It was a very working class place, with the majority of Lutonians working in the major industries of Luton, like Vauxhall and the airport, and the place had an attitude that talent would be enough. Most of the people I knew and grew up with had parent's that had ben promoted through the ranks of where they worked until they had very good jobs and good standards of living. All on talent and skill. So I went out into the world with the belief that if I was good at something I would get on in that field. Hence why I pushed to get into the media and music industries. I was good so why shouldn't I? It is also this belief that has enabled me to change direction and career without any real fear.
Once I left school, in my wheelchair, I did find some barriers. But no where near as many as I might have found in other places. Most of Luton is accessible. The shopping centre was superb, many of the pubs and clubs too. And anywhere that was a bit difficult saw no problem in be as helpful as possible. They also made changes and became accessible. I remember the local cimema going to great lengths to become wheelchair accessible after I tried to see a film but was turned away. I contacted the managment and they were fantastic. We worked together and made all the ground floor screens accessible. It was this experience that got me active on issues of access. I really thought that if everyone was this cool, then it wouldn't be long before accessibility was the norm.
Now I am getting older, and am working in the field of inclusion and inclusive design it still shocks me when I have to attend a meeting with designers and architects who seem to think that accessibility is something of an after thought. I even meet a few who see my desire to have the chance to experience their building just like evryone else as some kind of insult to their design. I would never have thought that 30 years after I left school I would be having arguements over why wheelchair users should have the right to access a building throught the front door. No Luton didn't prepare me for that.
So I feel I must say Thank You to Luton. Sure you have your problems, but then where doesn't? All I know is that you gave me the skills, confidence and self belief to be the person I am, and to go out into the world with the desire to make it a better place and give young people all over the UK the chance to experience what it is like to grow up with the chance to be considered an equal, whatever your difference or disability might be. Good luck with your city bid and a "big up" to everyone I know and knew in Luton.
To play a part in Luton's city bid visit Love Luton
Luton Town Centre - 1965 - the year I was born.
Like most people who grew up in a provincial town, I always felt that I was missing out on something while I lived in Luton. The draw of the big city always tugged at me, and as soon as I could I moved down to London. Even before I lived here I would spend a huge sum of money on petrol to cover driving down to the big smoke to go gigging, clubbing and shopping. And I will admit I had a really great time in London, but as I get older I also see what a great place Luton is and was.
The first thing that Luton gave to me was an expectation of being treated equally. Even though I have been disabled since birth, I never really found that I was actively discriminated against all the time I lived there. I attended a mainstream school throuhgout my education. It is only recently, after joining ALLFIE in their battle for inclusive education that I realise how rare it is for disabled children to be given the chance to go to a "normal" school. Especially back in the early 70's! Yet in Luton I was given the chance to do so, not only in my early school career, but throught from the age of 5 to 18. It was only when I started looking to go to university that I found my way closed. Some schools needed no adapatations, some made the changes I needed easily. My high school, Putteridge High, undertook a program of building that left it with a fully accessible school building. So not only did I go there, but so did a few other disabled kids. Not many schools, can claim that they were fully inclusive in the late 70's. Very few can claim that even today.
But not only were the buildings accessible, but so was the attitude towards disabled pupils. I was expected to do everything my able bodied class mates did. I was also given the same expectations. I saw my future as being just like everyone elses. My disability would not be a barrier to my dreams in any way. Yes I couldn't go to uni, but that wasn't anyone at my schools fault. It was just that they were ahead of the rest of the educational establishment in how they facilitated disabled students. I didn't mind though. Another thing that Luton gave me was an expectation that talent would be enough to get you on.
It was a very working class place, with the majority of Lutonians working in the major industries of Luton, like Vauxhall and the airport, and the place had an attitude that talent would be enough. Most of the people I knew and grew up with had parent's that had ben promoted through the ranks of where they worked until they had very good jobs and good standards of living. All on talent and skill. So I went out into the world with the belief that if I was good at something I would get on in that field. Hence why I pushed to get into the media and music industries. I was good so why shouldn't I? It is also this belief that has enabled me to change direction and career without any real fear.
Once I left school, in my wheelchair, I did find some barriers. But no where near as many as I might have found in other places. Most of Luton is accessible. The shopping centre was superb, many of the pubs and clubs too. And anywhere that was a bit difficult saw no problem in be as helpful as possible. They also made changes and became accessible. I remember the local cimema going to great lengths to become wheelchair accessible after I tried to see a film but was turned away. I contacted the managment and they were fantastic. We worked together and made all the ground floor screens accessible. It was this experience that got me active on issues of access. I really thought that if everyone was this cool, then it wouldn't be long before accessibility was the norm.
Now I am getting older, and am working in the field of inclusion and inclusive design it still shocks me when I have to attend a meeting with designers and architects who seem to think that accessibility is something of an after thought. I even meet a few who see my desire to have the chance to experience their building just like evryone else as some kind of insult to their design. I would never have thought that 30 years after I left school I would be having arguements over why wheelchair users should have the right to access a building throught the front door. No Luton didn't prepare me for that.
So I feel I must say Thank You to Luton. Sure you have your problems, but then where doesn't? All I know is that you gave me the skills, confidence and self belief to be the person I am, and to go out into the world with the desire to make it a better place and give young people all over the UK the chance to experience what it is like to grow up with the chance to be considered an equal, whatever your difference or disability might be. Good luck with your city bid and a "big up" to everyone I know and knew in Luton.
To play a part in Luton's city bid visit Love Luton
Monday, 23 May 2011
Past & Present Tense
I've had a crazy busy couple of weeks, so please forgive my lack of blogging. The craziness started when I took past in a creative workshop and performance of the fantastic new play by Mike Dibb called "Present Tense". It is based on a short story by Celi Duran, and examines the lives of three people who have recently become spinally injured. The play is set in the late 1960's in New York and is a really powerful piece. I won't tell you all too much about the plot, as everyone involved is hoping it makes it to the stage. That way you can all come and see it without having me spoil it for you.The weird thing is that working on a play about experiences that I had already been through reminded me of the journey of emotions that anyone coming to a disability has to embark on when they are given the big news. Although I have always been disabled, I did go through a spinal injury in my teens, and so found acting the part of someone newly disabled took me back to a time that I would rather forget. I hope that everyone who reads my blog knows that I am very proud of my disability and how it has shaped the person I am, a person I like (modest as usual). I know that without my disability, and all of the changes in ability that I have gone through I would not be who I am today. But I do tend to forget that it wasn't an easy journey. Early on, just after my spinal injury, I couldn't see a future for me at all. I was sure I would never find a lover or get married, had seen any chance of the career I wanted to pursue disappear and really felt that my life was over. I will admit I even considered suicide at a couple of points. I only stuck around as I still lived at home and thought it was unfair to leave the job of discovering me to my family.
Luckily, this reason for sticking around made me start to re-evaluate my life and future. I gave up on the steady job and family plans, and decided to just enjoy life. So began my crazy journey through the world of rock and roll, the media and some of the extreme things I have done. I look back on my life, and I'm only half way through, and know that I have lived the kind of life most able bodied people would be jealous of. One thing for sure, no one can say that my life has been the stereotypical idea of the life a disabled person would live.
The character that I played in Present Tense had a similar attitude towards coping with his disability as I had back then. If life threw something at me, instead of it getting me down or putting up with it I fought back. It started when I found I couldn't go to my local cinema in a wheelchair. I contacted the manager and within a few weeks a wheelchair space had been installed and a new level entrance was created. This spurred me on an soon I was fighting the good fight everywhere. I even started building my own wheelchairs because the ones I was given on the NHS were crap. The Present Tense me also did this. By the end of the week, I really felt like I had got back in touch with the younger me and I felt somehow reinvigorated.
Which was lucky, as after the play finished I met up with Jennie Williams, who is about to start up a new charity called Enhance The UK (website going online soon). It is run by disabled people, and they plan to offer help, advice and friendship to other disabled people. Jennie sees it as a tool to allow disabled people to help other disabled people do... well anything really. Whether it is finding someone to go down the pub with, a buddy to scuba diving with, someone to chat with about any problems or a source of advice on the myriad of stuff that comes with a disability. I signed up to help, with issues around sex and relationships (way back in the early 90's I did a load of stuff around this kind of thing on C4, and have wrote a few guide books and articles on sex and disability), confidence (say no more) and other stuff like access and rights. Hearing some of the stories of people that Jennie has met reminded me that even though Present Tense was set in 1960's America, the experiences of the characters are still really relevant. Frighteningly so.
However much disabled people have gained rights and equality over the past 50 odd years, the actual experience of coming to a disability seems to have stayed the same. Mostly because the stereotypes of what being disabled is have stayed the same. No matter how many people like myself, Ade Adipetan, Shannon Murray, Julie Fernandez, Mat Fraser, Gary O'Donahue, Liz Carr etc seem to break the mold, the world still think that disability equals the end of your life. I have no real idea of how we change that, as it seems that however many positive role models of disabled people exist being disabled is seen as a totally negative thing.
One day we might enlighten the general public about disability, but the most important thing right now is making sure that disabled people feel OK about themselves. Becoming disabled is NOT the end of your life. It may be a change in the future you had planned, but it is the start of a new life that can actually end up being more fulfilling and enjoyable than the one you left behind. I know that the life I would have had without the my wheelchair would have been no where near as fantastic as the one I had with wheels. So watch out for the Enhance The UK website when it comes on line. It's going to make a real difference. And keep your fingers crossed that Present Tense goes into production. Not only will you get to see me playing a hippy, but witness a piece that makes the audience question what they think about disability.
Monday, 2 May 2011
Another Busy Bank Holiday
After planning how to avoid that wedding, it seems that I got myself into a rut of doing things when I should have been enjoying the bank holiday. Instead of waving flags and going to a street party, I decided to rebuild my studio. The doors my wife and I decorated, in a very successful arty Jackson Pollack style, were ready to be hung and so we spent Thursday doing the ultimate nightmare... building an Ikea wardrobe. Now I've been through some awful things in my life, and met people who have been through much worse, but I am sure everyone will agree that the thought of putting together Ikea furniture fills them with terror. With only a little arguing we managed to get it finished and ready to fill with my collection of classic synths, bits of computer, set of electric drums, keyboard and mic stands, a classic video game called a Vectrex and loads of other bits of junk. So as the morning of Friday dawned, and TV became a no-go zone, I faced the task of moving my studio gear around, building some desks (from Argos by Hygena, very nice and much easier to build), setting up a collection of computers and their peripherals (so many blooming wall warts!) that I seem to collect like some crazy hoarder and preparing to dive into another horrific task... wiring up my recording studio. I have just finished today, Monday May 2nd at around 3.30pm. Only took all weekend.
While I am over joyed that I now only have to set up the software before I can start creating retro synthpop electroclash, and annoying my neighbours, the craziest thing about what I spent this weekend doing is that I had big plans for April 30th. That date is special to me, as it was the last day I walked back in 1981. I attended Gary Numan's farewell concert at Wembley Arena but during what was going to be a key moment in my teenage life, an even more important moment occurred. Unknown to me, my spine started to collapse and just as my teenage hero stepped onto the stage I was wrecked with agonising pain. I fought through the first half of the superb show, but eventually I had to find somewhere to lay down. So I battled to the back to this massive venue and watched the rest of the show laying a wall. I was so far away from the stage, after being in the third row (I was even in front of Trevor Horn!), that my hero was a tiny little stick figure. Getting home to Luton was another battle, but I was helped by my date that night. (Thanks Karen) I awoke the next day and was still in pain and found it hard to stand. However it was also the morning of my first O level exam, German. So I called a cab and went to school. When I arrived I found I could not walk at all and collapsed in a heap in the door of the cab. I was rushed to hospital and my life as a wheelchair user began, after 15 years walking with the help of a leg brace on my right leg.(Believe it or not, my school sent a teacher to my hospital and I took my exam in a side ward - and passed!) It transpired that the treatment I had been given as a baby for cancer had an unknown side effect, and caused my spine to be deformed and was too weak to carry the weight of my growing teenage body.
(aged 17 - A goth before it was called goth or what!)
Strangely I did not find becoming a wheelchair user a bad thing. Instead I saw it as a wake up call. I had spent my childhood being a very good boy. Hard working, very studious and well behaved. I was taking a pile of exams, and had over 10 job offers. Yet I hadn't done anything fun. I had always wanted to dye my hair, dress weird and go to clubs and pubs like most of school mates. Hey it was the post punk blank, and New Romantics were just starting out. As I recovered from major surgery and came to terms with a new life in a chair, the life that been planned for me no longer appealed to me. A good job with prospects, meeting a local girl, getting married and buying a house in the same street as my parents was were I had been going but now I wanted more. I wanted to grasp life by the horns and ride it for all it was worth. So I sat my parents down and told them that from now on I was going to enjoy myself. They supported me of course, as they are cool, and so I found myself living the kind of life I had only dreamed of as a walker. I purchased a couple of really basic synths and a drum machine, formed a band with my best mate at school and started playing gigs. I dyed my hair, had hair extensions put in and wore more make up than a nightclub full of girls. I began the life I now have. So I see that day, when I lost the ability to walk as a good day.
(on stage at the Electric Ballroom, on tour with Gary Numan 1991)
But in a way it is fitting that I spent the 30th anniversary of that day building my music studio. It was learning to play music that gave me a direction when I was getting used to my life as wheelchair user, and gave me the chance to end up touring Europe with my hero, Mr Numan, in the 90's and gave me the foot into the media, as well as allowed me to meet my wonderful wife. Music was essential to making me who I am, and I really hope that young disabled people understand that there are more ways to find a direction than sport. I hated sport as a walker, and truly found myself going "Hooray, no more sport!" when I was told I would never walk again. Music, art and creativity is an equal method to happiness and success, if not a better one. While with sport it is either win or nothing, artistic creativity is an end in itself. I never got the chance to release an album or get on Top of the Pops, which were all dreams as I began playing music, but I had a great time trying. Yeah, I didn't get the chance mainly due to discrimination on the part of the music industry (I'll tell you more in another blog), but I really lived the rock and roll lifestyle throughout the last 30 years. Maybe a bit too much sometimes!
As I look back on the last 30 years I do so with happiness. I had a great time, and created a Mik Scarlet that I would have loved to be as the spotty teenager who went to that Gary Numan concert. In fact if I had known then what was ahead of me, I wouldn't have told a soul that I was about to loose the ability to walk. No, walking is just a means of getting around, but the life I have had since that day has been a fantastic roller-coaster that I wouldn't have missed for the world. So now you know why I wanted to celebrate. The fact I didn't isn't a bad thing, as I am getting a bit old for all that partying. Instead I am now ready for the next 30 years. Studio set up, hair dyed, make up ready and a wardrobe to die for. All I can say is watch this space... anything could happen!
While I am over joyed that I now only have to set up the software before I can start creating retro synthpop electroclash, and annoying my neighbours, the craziest thing about what I spent this weekend doing is that I had big plans for April 30th. That date is special to me, as it was the last day I walked back in 1981. I attended Gary Numan's farewell concert at Wembley Arena but during what was going to be a key moment in my teenage life, an even more important moment occurred. Unknown to me, my spine started to collapse and just as my teenage hero stepped onto the stage I was wrecked with agonising pain. I fought through the first half of the superb show, but eventually I had to find somewhere to lay down. So I battled to the back to this massive venue and watched the rest of the show laying a wall. I was so far away from the stage, after being in the third row (I was even in front of Trevor Horn!), that my hero was a tiny little stick figure. Getting home to Luton was another battle, but I was helped by my date that night. (Thanks Karen) I awoke the next day and was still in pain and found it hard to stand. However it was also the morning of my first O level exam, German. So I called a cab and went to school. When I arrived I found I could not walk at all and collapsed in a heap in the door of the cab. I was rushed to hospital and my life as a wheelchair user began, after 15 years walking with the help of a leg brace on my right leg.(Believe it or not, my school sent a teacher to my hospital and I took my exam in a side ward - and passed!) It transpired that the treatment I had been given as a baby for cancer had an unknown side effect, and caused my spine to be deformed and was too weak to carry the weight of my growing teenage body.
(aged 17 - A goth before it was called goth or what!)Strangely I did not find becoming a wheelchair user a bad thing. Instead I saw it as a wake up call. I had spent my childhood being a very good boy. Hard working, very studious and well behaved. I was taking a pile of exams, and had over 10 job offers. Yet I hadn't done anything fun. I had always wanted to dye my hair, dress weird and go to clubs and pubs like most of school mates. Hey it was the post punk blank, and New Romantics were just starting out. As I recovered from major surgery and came to terms with a new life in a chair, the life that been planned for me no longer appealed to me. A good job with prospects, meeting a local girl, getting married and buying a house in the same street as my parents was were I had been going but now I wanted more. I wanted to grasp life by the horns and ride it for all it was worth. So I sat my parents down and told them that from now on I was going to enjoy myself. They supported me of course, as they are cool, and so I found myself living the kind of life I had only dreamed of as a walker. I purchased a couple of really basic synths and a drum machine, formed a band with my best mate at school and started playing gigs. I dyed my hair, had hair extensions put in and wore more make up than a nightclub full of girls. I began the life I now have. So I see that day, when I lost the ability to walk as a good day.
(on stage at the Electric Ballroom, on tour with Gary Numan 1991) But in a way it is fitting that I spent the 30th anniversary of that day building my music studio. It was learning to play music that gave me a direction when I was getting used to my life as wheelchair user, and gave me the chance to end up touring Europe with my hero, Mr Numan, in the 90's and gave me the foot into the media, as well as allowed me to meet my wonderful wife. Music was essential to making me who I am, and I really hope that young disabled people understand that there are more ways to find a direction than sport. I hated sport as a walker, and truly found myself going "Hooray, no more sport!" when I was told I would never walk again. Music, art and creativity is an equal method to happiness and success, if not a better one. While with sport it is either win or nothing, artistic creativity is an end in itself. I never got the chance to release an album or get on Top of the Pops, which were all dreams as I began playing music, but I had a great time trying. Yeah, I didn't get the chance mainly due to discrimination on the part of the music industry (I'll tell you more in another blog), but I really lived the rock and roll lifestyle throughout the last 30 years. Maybe a bit too much sometimes!
As I look back on the last 30 years I do so with happiness. I had a great time, and created a Mik Scarlet that I would have loved to be as the spotty teenager who went to that Gary Numan concert. In fact if I had known then what was ahead of me, I wouldn't have told a soul that I was about to loose the ability to walk. No, walking is just a means of getting around, but the life I have had since that day has been a fantastic roller-coaster that I wouldn't have missed for the world. So now you know why I wanted to celebrate. The fact I didn't isn't a bad thing, as I am getting a bit old for all that partying. Instead I am now ready for the next 30 years. Studio set up, hair dyed, make up ready and a wardrobe to die for. All I can say is watch this space... anything could happen!
Monday, 25 April 2011
Busy Bank Holiday
I find myself with so much to blog about that I feel I may have to end up writing about nothing instead. I wanted to cover politics, that wedding, disability politics and a myriad of other things, but have had such a busy couple of weeks that I haven't had time. Now each subject has slipped to a position of equal importance and so I can't decide where to start.
I wanted to examine my recent experiences with various disabled people's organisations (DPO's) and how each one has different politics. What would this splintering of direction mean for the future of disabled people and our fight for equality? I also wanted to delve into what exactly we mean by "equality" and whether this fight might cause disabled people to end up worse off that we were went we found ourselves unequal. As a republican I am finding the way British society is ramping up the crazy as we run up to the 29th of April is obviously causing me to feel the need to write something. Just not sure how much of feelings I want to make known as everyone seems to have been swept up in the spirit of this "joyous" occasion. Then there was the whole question of assisted suicide that seems to have even found a supporter in the BBC. With Terry Pratchett making a documentary following a man's visit to Dignitas and claiming it to be a dispassionate study of the questions around the right to die, even though Sir Terry is a personal supporter of assisted death, those of us who who feel deeply against changing the current laws must make our voice heard or we will loose the debate. That's just the top three.
In the end I must admit I find myself so full of thoughts that I end up with my head spinning. Never the best time to write something that will exist forever in the ether of the world wide web. So instead I will knock out a short blog, with no rants or deep thought. No this time I feel just thought I'd mention that this bank holiday my wife and I have been busy building furniture for my recording studio. In fact we have been action painting some doors for a cupboard that will be the home of my unused analogue synth collection. Loads of fun throwing paint around in our living room, and they have come up great. So hopefully by the start of May I will have a studio that works and can start writing music again, after an age away.
Before going all arty, I did an interview for a new online magazine, called Sin Zine with the marvellous burlesque and performance artist Marnie Scarlet. I videoed the interview and it will be up on my Youtube page soon, and the Sin Zine interview will follow shortly too. I plan to do a series of these interviews, and put them online, so if you know anyone who you would like to see me chat with please get in touch.
Lastly, I have signed up to appear in the new Graeae show, Broadway Babes. It is going to be a crazy show like their famous Rhinestone Rollers show, but with Broadway musical numbers. I shall be dancing my way through a half hour set of classic musical tracks... and I shall be in drag! Yes all those years when I was a New Romantic, wearing tons of make up will finally come in handy. I don't think I'll be going the whole hog, mainly as I really don't have the figure for it. Instead I feel I'll be a kind of dancing tranny. Tee hee. Anyway, if you fancy seeing how it turns out, come along to the Greenwich festival this year and search us out. I'll keep you all posted when rehearsals start.
So I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine and are having fun this Bank Holiday? Today is the first day I've a minute to spare, and so I feel I may sign off now and go outside to soak up some sun before the weather goes back to it's default setting... of rain.
TTFN
Mik
I wanted to examine my recent experiences with various disabled people's organisations (DPO's) and how each one has different politics. What would this splintering of direction mean for the future of disabled people and our fight for equality? I also wanted to delve into what exactly we mean by "equality" and whether this fight might cause disabled people to end up worse off that we were went we found ourselves unequal. As a republican I am finding the way British society is ramping up the crazy as we run up to the 29th of April is obviously causing me to feel the need to write something. Just not sure how much of feelings I want to make known as everyone seems to have been swept up in the spirit of this "joyous" occasion. Then there was the whole question of assisted suicide that seems to have even found a supporter in the BBC. With Terry Pratchett making a documentary following a man's visit to Dignitas and claiming it to be a dispassionate study of the questions around the right to die, even though Sir Terry is a personal supporter of assisted death, those of us who who feel deeply against changing the current laws must make our voice heard or we will loose the debate. That's just the top three.
In the end I must admit I find myself so full of thoughts that I end up with my head spinning. Never the best time to write something that will exist forever in the ether of the world wide web. So instead I will knock out a short blog, with no rants or deep thought. No this time I feel just thought I'd mention that this bank holiday my wife and I have been busy building furniture for my recording studio. In fact we have been action painting some doors for a cupboard that will be the home of my unused analogue synth collection. Loads of fun throwing paint around in our living room, and they have come up great. So hopefully by the start of May I will have a studio that works and can start writing music again, after an age away.
Before going all arty, I did an interview for a new online magazine, called Sin Zine with the marvellous burlesque and performance artist Marnie Scarlet. I videoed the interview and it will be up on my Youtube page soon, and the Sin Zine interview will follow shortly too. I plan to do a series of these interviews, and put them online, so if you know anyone who you would like to see me chat with please get in touch.
Lastly, I have signed up to appear in the new Graeae show, Broadway Babes. It is going to be a crazy show like their famous Rhinestone Rollers show, but with Broadway musical numbers. I shall be dancing my way through a half hour set of classic musical tracks... and I shall be in drag! Yes all those years when I was a New Romantic, wearing tons of make up will finally come in handy. I don't think I'll be going the whole hog, mainly as I really don't have the figure for it. Instead I feel I'll be a kind of dancing tranny. Tee hee. Anyway, if you fancy seeing how it turns out, come along to the Greenwich festival this year and search us out. I'll keep you all posted when rehearsals start.
So I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine and are having fun this Bank Holiday? Today is the first day I've a minute to spare, and so I feel I may sign off now and go outside to soak up some sun before the weather goes back to it's default setting... of rain.
TTFN
Mik
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